Words I Never Said

Always in a rushNever stay on the phone long enoughWhy am I so self-important?Said I'd see you soonBut that was, oh, maybe a year agoDidn't know time was of the essence
So many questionsBut I'm talking to myselfI know that you can't hear me any moreNot anymoreSo much to tell youAnd most of all goodbyeBut I know that you can't hear me any more
It's so loud inside my headWith words that I should have saidAnd as I drown in my regretsI can't take back the words I never saidI never saidI can't take back the words I never said
Always talking shitTook your advice and did the oppositeJust being young and stupidI haven't been all that you could've hoped forBut if you'd held on a little longerYou'd have had more reasons to be proud
So many questionsBut I'm talking to myselfI know that you can't hear me any moreNot anymoreSo much to tell youAnd most of all goodbyeBut I know that you can't hear me any more
It's so loud inside my headWith words that I should have saidAnd as I drown in my regretsI can't take back the words
The longer I stand hereThe louder the silenceI know that you're gone but sometimes I swear I hearYour voice when the wind blowsSo I talk to the shadowsHoping you might be listening 'cos I want you to know
It's so loud inside my headWith words that I should have saidAnd as I drown in my regretsI can't take back the words I never saidI never saidI can't take back the words I never saidNever saidI can't take back the words I never said

A Day In My Life

Realized the lack of photos in my Godforsaken blog. The advertisement says "3 reasons to get out of bed." You bet we are the reason. Look at what we're holding.

For too long I've been struggling with things. And just today I received a message that took a low blow to my pride. It cut a radiating throb dread from my throat to my belly. It was then I felt like giving up. It was as if all these while my presence was insignificant. 

I do not have the perfect life. Hell, my social life takes a sky diving plunge from the statue of liberty when my work starts. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my life as it is. No matter how ugly the struggles are, all the pain stains of my past. Or the flaws I battle inwardly, or the scars I hide constantly. I wouldn't have it any other way.

We would sing in the middle of Orchard street, loudly and proudly mind you. We'll go to different hotels and use their toilets, kind of like "The Bourne Identity," but without the changing of clothes and the mass destruction. We'll play the hotel piano and get recognised by the event coordination, giving us a thumbs up. Or walking barefooted down Chinatown. Or fighting each other, screaming "Bitch" in a crowded place. Why aren't my friends and I stomped yet? Haha.

I don't want to grow up. It's too fast. 2012 is coming to an end. I feel empty. I just want to leave, but I don't have the guts to. I want to speak my mind, but they would consider it as insubordination or sensitive. I'm tired of listening to you. What makes you think you know what's the best for me? I'm tired.

I feel these four walls closin' in 
My face up against the glass 
Im looking out, hmm 
Is this my life I'm wonderin' 
It happened so fast 
How do I turn this thing around 
Is this the bed I chose to make 
Its greener pastures i'm thinkin' about, hmm 
Wide open spaces far away 

All I want is the wind in my hair 
To face the fear but not feel scared 

Wild horses I wanna be like you 
Throwing caution to the wind 
I'll run free too 
Wish I could recklessly love 
Like I'm longing too 
I wanna run with the wild horses 
Run with the wild horses, oh 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/natasha+bedingfield/wild+horses_10189973.html ] 
I see the girl I wanna be 
Riding bareback, carefree along the shore 
If only that someone was me 
Jumpin' head first headlong with out a fall 
To act and damn the consequence 
How I wish it could be that easy 
But fear surrounds me like a fence 
I wanna break free 

All I want is the wind in my hair 
To face the fear but not feel scared 

Recklessly abandoning myself before you 
I wanna open up my heart, tell him how I feel 
Run with the wild horses 
I wanna run with the wild horses