Eventually I knew this is how it would wind down. With me taking the fastest route out, as fast as my legs can carry me. My mind would be a jumble of disjointed thoughts, questions that would probably never hear a reply. And little would I realize, the sole thing I run from, is the only thing I'm running to.

So this is what it would boil down to. A variation of truths. What would you have me believe? Accept everything at face value? Or check what tug at my heartstrings? Think about the last time your heart ached? What did you see, what did you hear? What I'm trying to say is, there is a smorgasbord of truth. It's just hard to stomach any of them. Well, on the other hand theres this lie you so badly want to believe. With all your heart, you will it into existence. As if repeating it in your head will seemingly make you less delusional. As if telling it to someone, make you more credible. Some people stay in the darkness, because there, is what they choose to see. Truth is what you believe it to be. And finally, the dichotomy is blurred, and your mind heeds what you believe, to save what strands of sanity you have left.

And it comes down to this. You live your life in a lie. Believing that it happened. That it will happen. You can't distinguish between what is the truth, and what is a lie.

Me

I could have gone into the whole notion and justification of why I chose this picture, and it could have many variables and a smorgasbord of moods for me to choose from, angry, sad, happy, annoying, crazy. But I guess, I just want to be honest and come as I am.

In this world with many farce, changing fads, people making a fashion statement, men - women coming out of the closet, children brought up alongside with alcohol and cigarettes, can you truly say that you are you?

Just because I don't voice my insecurities doesn't mean it's not there. I fight, struggle, wrestle with fears every single day. And how do I know if I've won? Yes, I might feel beaten down, words lost on me, Armageddon and all, I never fought a losing battle. I guess I knew it all along. And my fears sometimes cloud my vision and I turn to the familiar tug of depression. But in the end, I'll come out victorious.

I had a mental breakdown a few days back. I pretty much lost it. At that point in time, there weren't a shocked gasp. Or time stopped as the world stopped spinning on its axis. Nothing pause. There wasn't any scream or something to indicate that something tragic happened. Life just went painfully on. And I realized then, the shift in my perspective, the horrible revelation of truth, the insurmountable of fear, affected no one, but me.

Who will be there when you have nothing to give but everything to lose?

Have you ever seen someone who have nothing to lose? It's scary. They have this craze look in their eyes. I know a desperate person when I see one, but theirs, is a whole new entire level. Nothing to lose. What does that mean to you?